Staff: Alex Musson - Mustard comedy magazine

Alex Musson

Alex Musson

Taller than Jesus

Staff Founding Editor, Writer, Designer and Tea-Boy

Alex is the founding editor of Mustard magazine. He edited, designed and published the magazine and wrote about half of each issue.

Alex started the black & white version of Mustard many years ago, writing and publishing the photocopied magazines in his spare time around his day-job of website design.

Alex also performed stand-up comedy for a couple of years (making the BBC New Talent semi-finals), did improv in a group with Isy Suttie, and wrote and performed sketches for BBC Radio 4.

Then he started the new colour, professionally printed Mustard mags that went on sale in shops. Alan Moore also asked him to write a regular two-page column for his Dodgem Logic magazine.

Most recently, Alex was comissioned to write a Myth Management novel, based on the Mustard comic strips, which was published in December 2019 and garnered very positive reviews.

Alex's Mustard stuff

I: Satirical News & Articles   ·  
II: Stories & Characters

III: Infographics   ·  
Adverts   ·  
V: Movie Posters

VI: Magazine Covers   ·  
VII: Comic Strips   ·  
VIII: Cartoons

IX: Headlines   ·  
X: In Brief   ·  
XI: Interviews

XII: Profiles   ·  
XIII: Posters

Satirical News & Articles

Lethargy generator

Lethargy generator found under bed

Home worker reports "creepy stuff"

Girl on train

Girl on train is soulmate

... in fellow passenger's imagination


Nanatechnology threat

Tech could consume planet by 2017



Retro design software launches



Solves whether it's "its" or "it's"

Men feeling pressure of unattainable media portrayal

Men feeling pressure

...of unattainable media portrayal

New York miming disaster

New York miming disaster

Lax safety procedures result in deaths of hundreds of mimes

Apathy marchers

Apathy marchers

Don't bring London to standstill

Jet-powered car breaks speed of smell

Racecar breaks speed of smell

A red letter day for engineering

Picture only tells 743 words

Picture only tells 743 words

Photojournalists 'in shock'

Four Horsemen Split

Four Horsemen Split

Pestilence quits, citing 'artistic differences'

Cruel prank targets nation's arsewits

Cruel prank on nation's arsewits

'My brain became engaged. I panicked.'

News event: attractive young women involved somehow

News event

Attractive young women involved somehow

Harsh tube lighting used to curb overpopulation

Harsh tube lighting

...used to curb overpopulation

Creators of Vanity Mirror launch Gluttony Fridge

Gluttony Fridge

From the creators of the Vanity Mirror

Local stadium is secret space ark

Local stadium is secret space ark

Escape apocalypse in government spaceship

Final display for stuffed poor

Final display for stuffed poor

Taxidermied paupers go under the hammer

'Ugly' man actually just a low quality JPEG

'Ugly' man just low quality JPEG

He was merely a little pixelated

Local man is world's worst serial killer

World's worst serial killer arrested

Killing spree results in minus two deaths

Gods of office technology appointed

Gods of office technology

Deities rebranded for 21st Century

Water towers were used for monster pacification

1950s monster pacification

Water towers as makeshift punchbags

Eat, Shït, and Die

Eat, Shït, and Die

Sandwich chain's name inspires other brands

Harnessing emotions could solve energy crisis

Harnessing emotions
to solve energy crisis

Fuelled by kittens and outrage

Catholic rewards card app

Catholic rewards app

What do points make? Piety!

Worrying rise in mobile use by under-zeros

Rise in mobile use by under-zeros

Concern over amount of
social networking by foetuses

Linguist discovers 'perfect' photo caption

Linguist discovers 'perfect' photo caption

Schoolbook caption hailed as
'lexical Holy Grail'

One man's crusade to save the English coastline

Save the English coastline

One man's crusade to conserve
England's traditional edges

Fashion cabal's dark secret

Fashion cabal has dark secret

Middle-aged billionaires compete
to make teenagers look stupid

Artist brings roof down

Artist brings roof down

Shocking exhibition by radical
new conceptual artist

This is not a lead pipe

Series of bizarre deaths

Detectives investigate
baffling homicides

Deadlock in midwinter festival negotiations

Midwinter festival deadlock

Negotiations continue for
ownership of December 25th

Ugly people to get better parking spaces

Ugly people's parking spaces

Less attractive people will be
given special permits

Street Games

Street Games

The new craze of live-action board games


TV News & Picks

Greatest TV Spin-Offs

Greatest TV Spin-Offs

Everybody's Ambivalent About Gunther

Pavlov & Schrodinger

Pavlov & Schrodinger

The hot new kids' cartoon

Richard Pryor in The Good Life

Richard Pryor in The Good Life

Great Casting Mistakes in History

Binge watching ravages middle class

Binge watching addicts

Middle-class Brits hooked on American product

Movie Title Recycle

Movie titles recycled

Studio to re-use famous film titles

New TV shows from MoreOn

New TV shows from MoreOn

False Idol, LCD, and Beggars Belief


Stories & Characters

Derring Dos & Don'ts

Derring Dos & Don'ts:
pt.1: Survival

"Sharks are attracted to urine, so just pee on the other passengers."

Derring Dos & Don'ts

Derring Dos & Don'ts:
pt.2: Women

"When men were men,
and women were often boys in drag."

Derring Dos & Don'ts

Derring Dos & Don'ts:
pt.6: Food

"What larks we had! Roasted, with a side of green beans and potatoes."

Writer's Block: The Invention of Time Travel

Writer's Block
#4: The Invention of Time Travel

"Middle-class fear of embarrassment is the mother of invention."



Jumper Removal Quandary

JRQ: Jumper Removal Quandary

Because static is not your friend

First World War Problems

First World War Problems

#FirstWorldProblems that were also #FirstWorldWarProblems.

iPhone Tips

iPhone Tips

To annoy your spouse



Religious Breakfast Cereals

Religious Breakfast Cereals

More than just Quaker Oats

Your House From Space

Your House From Space

A photograph to treasure

101 Empty Platitudes

101 Empty Platitudes

A banal cliché for every occasion

Freudian Slip

Freudian Slip

New from Inappropriate Lingerie Ltd

Face Palm

Face Palm

The undo button for life

J-Lo: The new diet joint


The new diet joint
that won't give you the munchies

FBI: Father- Baby Interface

FBI: Father-Baby Interface

Law enforcement style
flak jacket / baby carrier


Movie Posters


Magazine Covers


Comic Strips


Superhero: Middleman

I don't actually do any heroics myself...



Is it a bird? Is it an animal?

Back To The Future Remake

Back To The Future Remake

2015 teen Martie McFly travels back to the ancient year of 1985!

Jurassic Park

Jurassic Park Postscript

Long-lost post-credit scene from the original Jurassic Park.

Shallow Grave Ending

Shallow Grave Ending

Christopher Eccleston & Ewan McGregor fight to the death

Bill Paxton's Big Love

Bill Paxton's Big Love

Bill's loving family of sister-wives:
Terminator, Alien and Predator

Bloody Kids

Bloody Kids

In my day we had respect!

Reservoir Nuns

Reservoir Nuns

Let's go to church

Myth Management: Going Underground

Myth Management

Brit bureaucrats battling beasts!
#1: Going Underground

Myth Management: Rhythm is Gong to Get You

Myth Management

Brit bureaucrats battling beasts!
#2: The Rhythm is Gong to Get You

Myth Management: Champagne Supernova

Myth Management

Brit bureaucrats battling beasts!
#3: Champagne Supernova


One-panel Cartoons

House Wine, from Hugh Laurie

A.M. / A.W.

William H Macy swearword substitute for new parents

A.M. / A.W.

No to Free Speech! - You Can't Say That!

A.M. / J.W.

Clothes / No Clothes



Overheard: Ridgley was the driving force of Wham

A.M. / C.K.

Overheard: Chilminder is having a Tummy Tuck

A.M. / C.K.

Overheard: Nothing in the Bible about Not Smoking

A.M. / H.S.

Overheard: Salesmen shouting 'Ten Percent'

A.M. / H.S.

Overheard: I've got latte all over my Louis Vuitton

A.M. / H.S

Overheard: Have you read the Bible? Who's your favourite?

A.M. / H.S

Overheard: Gabriel, put down that trident!

A.M. / H.S

Overheard: Lilly Allen offered me a joint and I said no. I'm really growing up.

A.M. / H.S

Overheard: Different? Getting a sex change is just weird

A.M. / H.S

Overheard: You should read Catcher in the Rye

A.M. / J.B.

Overheard: These may look like Jeans, but they're not

A.M. / H.S

Overheard: These may look like Jeans, but they're not

A.M. / H.S

Overheard: You'll never find someone who loves you as much as me, becasue you have such a sh*t personality

A.M. / J.B.

Overheard: Years of hard drug abuse and I've still got all my teeth

A.M. / J.B.

Overheard: Bolton

A.M / H.S

Overheard: I'm definitely at my best between the sheets

A.M. / H.S.



Woman wins NW6 in Postcode Lottery
ID Theft: Third of Man's Psyche Stolen
Tube Rats Failing To Swipe In and Out of Oyster Zones
Man Lost In Bookstore
Man Tired of London, Life
Other Half Has 51% Controlling Interest in Relationship
BA Pilot Given Green Light: Mr T 'delighted' to film A-Team spin-off
Yin & Yang to Split - Couple cite 'irreconcilable differences'
October delayed for at least three years: officials blame 'unforeseen circumstances'
Dinosaur extinction caused by heartbreak: 'they all just pined away' claims report by recently dumped palaeontologist.
Minister unveils dramatic new curbs
Musician begins work on difficult second marriage
I am an accident that wasn't my fault - baby sues parents
Eat this fruit and never die again
Free cereal found inside toy


In Brief

Cricket body admits rules made up as they go along

Cricket body admits
rules made up as they go along,
"Just like Mornington Crescent"

A.M. / S.C.

Scarf ace

Scarf Ace
"I really like this scarf!"
Inside Al Pacino's wardrobe

A.M. / S.C.

Britain sells NHS to America

Britain sells NHS to America
Infrastructure to be shipped over on giant tankers

A.M. / J.B.

Northampton tube

Northampton tube opens for business
"A transport system to rival that of London"


We shall never give in to your demands

"We shall never give in to your demands, no matter how reasonable!"

A.M. / J.B.

Morrissey dancers

Morrissey dancers
New craze sweeps England

A.M. / J.B.

Lashings and ginger beer!

Lashings and ginger beer!
The rise of Enid Blyton fetish clubs

A.M. / A.W.

This week in the soaps

This week in the soaps
A bit of a whale, some chemicals
and a pubic hair

A.M. / A.W.

Pet Dispensary

Pet Dispensary
RSPCA criticise
puppy-vending machines

A.M. / A.W.

Pop Quorn

Pop Quorn
The cinema snack
with no animal fat

A.M. / A.W.

Bible belt

Bible belt
Easy hip-holder access to the
new and old testaments

A.M. / A.W.

Wii-ja Board

Wii-ja Board
Contact the other side via
your games console

A.M. / A.W.

Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes, Knees and Toes

Health & Beauty
Pamper yourself with our complete bodycare range

A.M. / A.W.

Are You Harder Than a Ten-Year-Old?

'Are You Harder Than
a Ten-Year-Old?'

Controversial new game show

A.M. / A.W.

Everybody Scrubs Frasier

Everybody Scrubs Frasier
Cross-breeding the sitcom

A.M. / A.W.

Haiku tweets

Haiku tweets
Each passing thought,
saved for posterity,
typed from the loo

A.M. / A.W.

'San Miguel' is Spanish for 'same again'

Did you know?
'San Miguel' is Spanish
for 'same again'

A.M. / A.W.

Don't give money to marketing people, 'they'll only spend it on drugs'

Don't give money to homeless marketing people, 'they'll only spend it on drugs'

A.M. / A.W.

Should left-handed and right-handed people marry?

Should left-handed and
right-handed people marry?
Ambidextrous kids
struggle to fit in

A.M. / A.W.

Treacherous road executed

Treacherous road executed

A.M. / A.W.

Murder at butler conventio

Murder at butler convention
Detectives baffled

A.M. / A.W.

MSG in a bottle

I hope that someone gets my
MSG in a bottle

A.M. / A.W.

I'd rather be MC Hammer than Jimmy Nail

I'd rather be MC Hammer than Jimmy Nail
Yes I would, I surely would

A.M. / A.W.

Not so much alpha male as Betamax

Not so much alpha male as Betamax
My dating life

A.M. / A.W.


Puzzle Corner

Puzzle corner

Fill in the squares with the relevant letter, number or symbol so that each longitudinal and latitudinal string creates a perfect emotional singularity.
Last week's solution:
The soft pleasure of a cool pillow against the skin.


Travel Twister

Travel Twister
Left middle-finger green / right index-finger blue / right little-finger yellow / right ring-finger red / left index-finger yellow / left middle-finger green / right ring-finger blue / right little-finger red / left ring-finger blue.
Tie breaker: left thumb green.



Rubik's Cube cut-out




Michael Palin caricature

Michael Palin

Along with the fish slapping, I want that on my gravestone:
'shot by Robert De Niro'.

The Monty Python legend talks Life of Brian, Fish Called Wanda, Brazil,
winning a BAFTA, his travel series and his novels.
6,300 words

Sam Bain caricatureJesse Armstrong caricature

Sam Bain & Jesse Armstrong

We thought it would be a good way to do comedy,
to get a new perspective, to get inside someone's head.

The writers of Peep Show talk about the show and characters,
as well as writing Fresh Meat, Rev and Babylon.
9,650 words

Alan Moore caricature

Alan Moore

If you put the words in the right order with the pictures
you can create a psychedelic state, a fugue state.

The author of Watchmen and From Hell discusses comics,
comedy, movies and magic over copious amounts of tea.
14,800 words

Stewart Lee caricature

Stewart Lee

I don't want my career to be a smash-and-grab raid.
I'm in this for the long haul.

The comedian, writer and director talks stand-up, TV shows,
Jerry Springer The Opera and being 'the comedian's comedian'.
10,000 words

Richard Herring caricature

Richard Herring

A lot of comedians say they've been inspired by me and Stu,
which is really lovely.

Talking about Time Gentlemen Please, his Hitler moustache,
and being called a 'hidden master of modern British comedy'
7,800 words

Fred Armisen caricatureCarrie Brownstein caricature

Fred Armisen &
Carrie Brownstein

I'll ask Fred if he's stalking me. If so, the show's over.

Co-writers and stars of the acclaimed US sketch show Portlandia,
which affectionately satirizes the hip counterculture of Portland, Oregon.
5,500 words

John Lloyd caricature

John Lloyd

I see my life is a series of ghastly mistakes
that somehow turned out alright in the end.

The legendary producer on Blackadder, QI, Spitting Image,
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Not The Nine O'Clock News and more.
15,000 words

Ray Galton caricatureAlan Simpson caricature

Ray Galton &
Alan Simpson

Amazing to think that if we hadn't contracted TB,
Hancock and Steptoe wouldn't exist.

We talk to the legendary writing team behind Hancock's Half Hour,
Steptoe & Son
and Comedy Playhouse.
3,700 words

Robin Ince caricature

Robin Ince

I'm a reading list comedian.
I want people to be excited by science and philosophy.

The stand-up and creator of The Book Club on his atheist Christmas shows
and podcasts Infinite Monkey Cage and Utter Shambles.
12,600 words

Graham Linehan caricature

Graham Linehan

Most people think a show is made up by the cast as they go.

The writer of The IT Crowd, Father Ted, Black Books, Big Train,
The Day Today
and co-creator of The Fast Show's Ted & Ralph.
10,100 words

Matt Berry caricatureRich Fulcher caricature

Matt Berry &
Rich Fulcher

People say 'I love the clip of you kicking the dog'.

Matt Berry and Rich Fulcher discuss their cult sketch show, Snuff Box.
2,000 words

Question Tag caricature

Question Tag

Mustard interviewees ask each other questions
Featuring: Graham Linehan, Michael Palin, Sam Bain, Jesse Armstrong,
Alan Moore, Stewart Lee, Richard Herring, John Lloyd, Fred Armisen,
Carrie Brownstein, Matt Berry, Rich Fulcher, and Galton & Simpson.
2,000 words


Profiles & Reviews

Douglas Adams caricature

Douglas Adams

42 moments from the life of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
and Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency author.

Cult Corner



Funny and moving '80s road trip movie, with a skydiving scene to die for.



Endearing Australian satire set behind the scenes of a current affairs TV show.


Neon magazine

The best movie magazine ever, featuring Graham Linehan's Filmgoer's Companion.


Mustard Posters





More Mustard »

The Complete Mustard

Mustard comedy magazine compendium
Mustard comedy magazine

Get the Mustard  Compendium: 
PDF  ยท  Paperback

The complete 336-page collection of all 9¼ issues,
featuring new and updated funny stuff, plus expanded interviews.


Myth Management

Out now: Mustard's first spin-off novel

Myth Management: a Young Adult Urban Fantasy novel by Alex Musson
Myth Management: a Young Adult Urban Fantasy novel by Alex Musson

Paperback  £8.99  ·

Kindle  £2.99  ·