Gluttony Fridge - Mustard comedy magazine
Gluttony Fridge

From the creators of the Vanity Mirror

Gluttony Fridge

Company continues series of products inspired by the seven deadly sins

At a star-studded launch show last night, Dante Inc unveiled their latest innovation, the 'Gluttony Fridge'. As bikini-clad models draped themselves over the gleaming stainless steel monolith, CEO Ted Omnibus boasted that "our offensively sized refrigeration unit meets consumer demands to accommodate the huge quantities of food that they don't really need."

He gently tapped the side of the three-metre-high obelisk, causing inch-thick electronic doors to slide open with a self-satisfied sigh. "Our product utilises cutting-edge food-wasting technology," he enthused. "Automatically sending barely-touched produce to landfill whilst ordering new overpriced goods to replace them."

"This glistening temple of consumer greed also features a hi-def widescreen monitor embedded on the inside of the doors," he continued. "So as you overindulge on fatty snacks it can play live footage of starving children in war-torn countries, sublimely underlining your lack of empathy for those less fortunate – and all in breathtaking 1080p definition!"

Dante Inc made their fortune in the 1980s with the Vanity Mirror, a triple mirrored desk enabling people to surround themselves with grooming products and scented candles in what their marketing campaign called a "shrine to yourself".

The company had further success with the Sloth Couch and Envy Binoculars, but they were almost crippled by litigation after the launch of the disastrous Wrath Pistol.

However, the Gluttony Fridge is already being hailed as a return to form, and if it does as well as industry experts anticipate, fiery rain will soon be plummeting from the heavens, rightly wiping our miserable species from the face of the Earth.

~ A.M.


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