Harnessing emotions could solve energy crisis - Mustard comedy magazine
perpetual emotion machine

Harnessing emotions could solve energy crisis

'Impossible' machine fuelled by kittens and outrage

A leading scientist at Warwick University claims to have invented a radical new type of energy generator.

Dr Felicity DaVinci – who has MAs in Engineering, Psychology and Anthropology – says the inspiration came to her during an experiment to measure people's emotional responses to various stimuli.

She observed that both positive (a box of kittens) and negative (Daily Mail headlines) stimuli created increased pupil dilation, faster heartbeat and a surge of adrenalin in the subjects.

"I theorised that by selecting the right set of positive and negative response generating material and controlling the presentation of these to a highly receptive user, we could access an untapped source of energy," she explained.

Excited by the possibilities, DaVinci set about designing a power generating machine that would be fuelled by a volunteer seated at its axis. She then spent a month building the apparatus from items salvaged from skips or purchased on eBay.

The machine's trial run, using a typist from Nuneaton and a celeb gossip mag, created an energy spike that blew light bulbs across the campus. "We have successfully converted Heat into electricity!" declared DaVinci, triumphantly.

Further tests have yielded levels of energy comparable with the National Grid using only radio phone-in shows, YouTube comments, beloved childhood teddy bears and a big rubber spider.

"This invention builds upon the work of my ancestor Leonardo," said Dr DaVinci. "As an inventor he dealt with the practical world, and as an artist with the emotions. I have combined the two to create the world's first self-fuelling mechanism: the fabled perpetual emotion machine."

~ A.M.

Illo: S.C.


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