Lethargy generator found under bed - Mustard comedy magazine
Lethargy generator found under bed

Lethargy generator found under bed

Home worker reports "some creepy X-Files sh*t" going on in his flat

"Ever since I started working from home, spooky things have been happening," explained freelance journalist Andy Mason from his bedsit.

"I had set up my laptop and was ready to get stuck in to some serious work. But suddenly, without knowing how, I realised it was two hours later and I was slumped on my bed watching The Wright Stuff. It was like a whole section of my life had mysteriously disappeared. Plus, for hours afterwards, I felt all kinda... sluggish."

"This happened a few times and I would just shake the cobwebs from my head and get back to work. But I kept feeling this strange gravitational pull emanating from the bed, like something was calling to me."

"Thinking maybe I was ill, I nipped out to get some Lemsip. But as soon as I got to the supermarket, I started feeling pretty good, full of beans and ready to get cracking, so I headed back to the flat. But almost immediately the drowsy feeling returned and I found myself slouched on the bed eating a bowl of Cornflakes."

"It was really scary. I had no idea what was going on."

That is, until yesterday. I was tucking into my Frosties when I dropped my spoon and it rolled under the bed. So I leaned down, looked underneath and –" he shuddered visibly. "I found myself staring at this otherworldly machine. All tubes and wires, with strange bellows moving up and down like it was breathing. It was just so wrong looking. And there, stencilled on its side, were the words" he paused dramatically, "Lethargy Generator."

"I tell you, I have no idea what heinous government conspiracy or loathsome alien beings put that thing there – or why," said Mason. "But it sure as hell explains a lot."

~ A.M.

Illo: M.D.


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