Gods of office technology - Mustard comedy magazine
Gods of office technology

Gods of office technology

Deities from the Greco-Roman pantheon rebranded for 21st Century life

"Modern mortals have no need for Gods of ploughing, lute-playing and so forth," explained a spokesman from Myth Management. "We're a generation of office workers. But who do we pray to when the printer jams? Who guides us on the morality of stealing office supplies? And to whom do we make an offering when we want to win the heart of a colleague? Our new, upgraded Gods of Office Technology, that's who!"

First to be revealed, appearing with a dramatic clap of thunder, was the mighty Parenthesis, Goddess of Word Processing. "I will protect you from the evil Typo, Lord of Confusion," she boasted. "I shall smite him with my mighty spellchecker; behold the power of my jagged red underline!"

Next up was Epson, God of Printing, who gave the blessing: "May thy ink cartridge never run dry, and thy paper tray be ever full".

He was followed by Gigabyte, Lord of the Files, who promised, "if your computer crashes, it shall be rebooted; but I will demanded in sacrifice the last three pages of your Excel spreadsheet."

Also announced were Xerox, the 50-armed Demigod of Photocopying; Fritter, Goddess of Social Networking and general timewasting; and Flirte, patron saint of IM and sexual harassment litigators.

"We're bringing a whole new meaning to cloud computing," said the spokesman. "It's a literal deux ex machina."

~ A.M.

Illo: A.W.


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