Worrying rise in mobile use by under-zeros - Mustard comedy magazine
Worrying rise in mobile use by under-zeros

Worrying rise in mobile use
by under-zeros

Concern over amount of social networking by foetuses

In the latest social networking craze, in-womb baby monitoring devices are being used by unborn children to message each other over the internet.

Thousands of the WombViewTM devices have been implanted by anxious parents wanting to keep track of their baby's development by analysing statistical information and streaming live video to their iPads. But the tech-savvy youngsters have worked out how to piggy-back on the data-stream to send messages to each other.

"Lolz, just banged my head on the placenta!" tweeted 34-week-old foetus Jus'Floatin. His friend BillyUmbilical replied with an animated Gif of the word 'FAIL' flashing over a webcam photo of himself mooning the camera.

Other trending topics included 'Getting out soon, can't wait to see my new crib!', 'my Tumblr listicle of SnapChat emojis' and 'top ten photos of cute kittens, also what the hell is a kitten anyway?'

One mum-to-be explained that she became aware of the problem when her baby's movements increased. "I thought he was kicking more than usual," said Pamela Morris, 33. "But apparently he just had the device set to 'vibrate'."

However, the craze has received criticism from older children. "My little sister spends all her time just sleeping or texting," complained Tom Harrison, five-and-a-half. "I have to tidy my room before I'm allowed on the computer. And if I want to go to the toilet, I have to use the loo – but she just wees in mummy's tummy."

"It's so unfair!" he sulked. "These kids today, they don't know they're born."

~ A.M.

Illo: S.C.


More articles »

The Complete Mustard

Mustard comedy magazine compendium
Mustard comedy magazine

Get the Mustard  Compendium: 
PDF  ·  Paperback

The complete 336-page collection of all 9¼ issues,
featuring new and updated funny stuff, plus expanded interviews.


Myth Management

Out now: Mustard's first spin-off novel

Myth Management: a Young Adult Urban Fantasy novel by Alex Musson
Myth Management: a Young Adult Urban Fantasy novel by Alex Musson

Paperback  £8.99   Amazon.co.uk  ·  Amazon.com

Kindle  £2.99   Amazon.co.uk  ·  Amazon.com