Mustard comedy magazine: Issue #01
Mustard issue 01 doodle

Issue #01


Monkey at a typewriter

Mustard has come a long way since that first black and white magazine, printed on the office photocopier. Growing in size and quality each issue, it generated a bit of a buzz and we even snagged interviews with some of our heroes, like Michael Palin and Alan Moore.

After the Alan Moore issue featured in The IT Crowd, I decided to launch Mustard "properly" - full colour and available in the shops, with a 10,000 print run and a new big name interviewee every issue. We had a pretty great run until the recession took our advertising as well as our stockists (RIP Borders).

But now, through the magic of pixels, Mustard is back! Think of these digital editions as our special edition box set, with no ads, expanded articles, bonus extras and updated interviews. All this, and only 36 calories!

Please enjoy responsibly,

- Alex

This issue's Evil Corporate Sponsor
This issue's Obligatory Movie Quote
"Okay, I'll come 'round at 10 and enrage you."

In this issue:


Satirical News & Articles

Lethargy generator found under bed

Lethargy generator found under bed

Home worker reports "creepy stuff"

Girl on train

Girl on train is soulmate

... in fellow passenger's imagination


Nanatechnology threat

Tech could consume planet by 2017



Retro design software launches

Greatest TV Spin-Offs

Greatest TV Spin-Offs

Everybody's Ambivalent About Gunther

Pavlov & Schrodinger

Pavlov & Schrodinger

The hot new kids' cartoon

Apple: iLitigate

Apple: iLitigate

Suing everyone from iBex to iRobot

Unclear terror bill

Unclear terror bill

Sting given sweeping new powers

Matt Berry's Albums That Changed My Life

Matt Berry's Albums That Changed My Life

#1: Len Countmother; Sit The F*ck Down

Comic Strips


Superhero: Middleman

I don't actually do any heroics myself...



Is it a bird? Is it an animal?

Stories & Characters

Derring Dos & Don'ts

Derring Dos & Don'ts
pt.1: Survival

"Sharks are attracted to urine, so just pee on the other passengers."

Writer's Block #1: The Big Nasty

Writer's Block
#1: The Big Nasty

"Seems he'd taken too much opium and ended up waxing a couple of cats."

Skinny & Nod

Skinny & Nod
#1: Shoe

"Don't even try with sandals. They look like a shoe's ribs."

Infographics & Adverts

Jumper Removal Quandary

JRQ: Jumper Removal Quandary

Because static is not your friend

Cut Out and Make Your Own Home

Cut Out and Make...

#1: Your Own Home

Movie Posters & Mag Covers


Woman wins NW6 in Postcode Lottery
ID Theft: Third of Man's Psyche Stolen
Tube Rats Failing To Swipe In and Out of Oyster Zones
Man Lost In Bookstore
Man Tired of London, Life
Other Half Has 51% Controlling Interest in Relationship

All: A.M.

One-Panel Cartoons


Graham Linehan caricature

Graham Linehan

Most people think a show is made up by the cast as they go.

The writer of The IT Crowd, Father Ted, Black Books, Big Train, The Day Today and co-creator of The Fast Show's Ted & Ralph.
10,100 words

Paper People & Action Figures

Paper People: IT Crowd

IT Crowd Paper People

Cut-out-and-make paper cast and crew.

Comedy Action Figures

IT Crowd Action Figure

Painstakingly handcrafted from pixels.

Cult Corner



Funny and moving '80s road trip movie, with a second-act skydiving scene to die for.

True Stories

The Lion and the B

The Lion and the B

"...but my gut feels differently."

Wallaby vs Truck

Wallaby vs Truck

"And then... its pouch moved."

Back Cover Poster



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Mustard #01

All text and images are © their respective authors.

Cover: Doodle version by Andrew Waugh.
Real version: Design by A.M., IT Crowd, Father Ted and Black Books photos © Channel 4.
Big Train photo © BBC. Graham Linehan illo © Michael Kupperman.

Thanks: Savannah Christensen, Pamela Norris, Richard Burdett, Michael Kupperman,
James Pallister, Ed Musson, Val Stevenson, Alex Ashworth, Guy Champ, David Bussell.

This issue is dedicated to the memory of Russell Flinn.

Footer gags: TOP TEN LAST WORDS:
"I wonder what this lever does?" · "Don't be soft, it's not even loaded" · "This species, however, is completely harmless" · "I'm just popping into the billiard room with this lead piping" · "Yeah? I'd like to see *that*!" · "The treasure is buried under the Christ my chest hurts" · "They do this in films all the time" · "Those aren't pineapples!" · "Whatever doesn't kill me can only make me stron... Gurh!" · "Why yes, I am Sarah Connor" · "Of course I'm not too drunk to drive this tank" · "Now watch carefully, because there's a real trick to this" · "They wouldn't be selling them if they were dangerous" · "What's the worst that could happen?" · "See... You... In... Heaven!"

More issues »

The Complete Mustard

Mustard comedy magazine compendium
Mustard comedy magazine

Get the Mustard  Compendium: 
PDF  ยท  Paperback

The complete 336-page collection of all 9¼ issues,
featuring new and updated funny stuff, plus expanded interviews.


Myth Management

Out now: Mustard's first spin-off novel

Myth Management: a Young Adult Urban Fantasy novel by Alex Musson
Myth Management: a Young Adult Urban Fantasy novel by Alex Musson

Paperback  £8.99  ·

Kindle  £2.99  ·