Mustard comedy magazine: Issue #04
Mustard issue 04 doodle

Issue #04


Mustard Watchmen Editorial

- Alex

This issue's Evil Corporate Sponsor
Blue Sun
This issue's Obligatory Movie Quote
"It's not the years, hon; it's the mileage."

In this issue:


Satirical News & Articles

Four Horsemen Split

Four Horsemen Split

Pestilence quits, citing 'artistic differences'

Cruel prank targets nation's arsewits

Cruel prank on nation's arsewits

'My brain became engaged. I panicked.'

News event: attractive young women involved somehow

News event

Attractive young women involved somehow

Harsh tube lighting used to curb overpopulation

Harsh tube lighting

...used to curb overpopulation

eBay typo disaster

eBay typo disaster

Stargate not stairgate

The Bourne Continuation

The Bourne Continuation

Financers line up next round of spinoffs

Matt Berry's Albums That Changed My Life

Matt Berry's Albums That Changed My Life

#4: St Owens, Get F*ck'd 1981

Comic Strip

Dinosaurs of the Eastern Front

Dinosaurs of the Eastern Front

The Nazi's saurion allies

Stories & Characters

Derring Dos & Don'ts

Derring Dos & Don'ts
pt.4: Plagues

"Death rates were over 100%, as the plague killed those compiling the statistics."

Writer's Block: The Invention of Time Travel

Writer's Block
#4: The Invention of Time Travel

"Middle-class fear of embarrassment is the mother of invention."

Skinny & Nod

Skinny & Nod
#4: Sign

"Skinny ain't exactly au-lait with the world of speculative fantasy."

Infographics & Adverts

Your Mum's Friend: Hairstyling for Children

Your Mum's Friend

Hairstyling for Children

Religious Breakfast Cereals

Religious Breakfast Cereals

More than just Quaker Oats

Movie Posters & Mag Covers

In Brief

Did you know?

There are only seven basic plots in movies:
'The Quest', 'Rags to Riches', 'Overcoming the Monster' and Lethal Weapons 1 to 4.


One-Panel Cartoons


Alan Moore caricature

Alan Moore

If you put the words in the right order with the pictures
you can create a psychedelic state, a fugue state.

The author of Watchmen and From Hell discusses
comics, comedy, movies and magic over copious amounts of tea.
14,800 words

Paper People

Paper People: Alan Moore

Alan Moore Paper Person

Cut-out-and-make Northampton Wizard.

Covers & Posters

Alan Moore cover poster

Alan Moore poster

This version of the wraparound Alan Moore cover
featured on the set of The IT Crowd



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Mustard #04

All text and images are © their respective authors.

Cover: Doodle version by A.W.
Real version: Artist names are shown on each picture frame. Copyright for each is as follows: Cover, clockwise from top left: From Hell and The Birth Caul both © Alan Moore and Eddie Campbell; Watchmen © DC Comics; The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen © Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill; V for Vendetta © DC Comics; Top Ten © America's Best Comics LLC. Main Alan Moore figure from The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen © Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill. Back cover, clockwise from top left: Swamp Thing © DC comics; Halo Jones © Rebellion A/S; Big Numbers © Alan Moore and Bill Seinkiewicz; Bojeffries Saga © Alan Moore and Steve Parkhouse; Promethea © America's Best Comics LLC; A Small Killing © Alan Moore and Oscar Zarate; DR & Quinch © Rebellion A/S; Lost Girls © Alan Moore and Melinda Gebbie.

Thanks: Isabel Hopwood, Pamela Norris, Val Stevenson, Lindsey Clarke, Alex Johnston,
Nadia Arbach, Art & Heather Wyatt, Tilusha Ghelani, Hannah Simpson, Alex Ashworth.

This issue is dedicated to Craig Hinton.

Footer gags: TOP TEN WAYS TO BEAT THE RECESSION: Become red/black colour-blind · Prey on your fellow man · Train foxes to rifle through bins and bring food back to you · Make cups of tea go further: keep a bag in the bottom of the kettle · Launch a comedy magazine named after a condiment (Chutney!) · Hollow out lots of mice to make a nice warm mouse blanket · Give everything away now! By the end of the recession you will be no poorer. You may even be richer · Eat this page · Go to jail for a few years and wait it out · Dog food is cheaper than baby food and will give them nice shiny hair · Raise chickens (above your head, for money) · Drink your own tears · Eat your young. And your old. · Create your own currency

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The Complete Mustard

Mustard comedy magazine compendium
Mustard comedy magazine

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Myth Management

Out now: Mustard's first spin-off novel

Myth Management: a Young Adult Urban Fantasy novel by Alex Musson
Myth Management: a Young Adult Urban Fantasy novel by Alex Musson

Paperback  £8.99  ·

Kindle  £2.99  ·