The Bourne Continuation - Mustard comedy magazine
The Bourne Continuation

The Bourne Continuation

Financers line up the next round of Jason Bourne spinoffs

Bourne in the USA

Jason Bourne returns to his home nation having depopulated most of Europe in the previous three films.

Bourne on the 4th of July

Psychotic amnesiac paraplegic Jason Bourne takes on all comers from his wheelchair, fighting to end the war – by killing everyone involved.

Bourne Again

Jason Bourne gives up killing when he finds God and becomes the lead singer in an ABBA tribute band.

Bourne with a Silver Spoon in his Mouth

After being hit on the head by a polo mallet, Lord Jason Bourne-Lucky finds out he's really a sleeper agent in the British Class War.

Bourne to be Wilde

Jason Bourne goes undercover as a sardonic Victorian homosexual.

To the Manor Bourne

Having been evicted from her ancestral home, Audrey Fforbes-Hamilton (a CGI Penelope Keith) finds herself attracted to new American owner Jason Bourne. Their love/hate relationship sways in his favour when he expertly cripples a poacher with a rolled-up Times Educational Supplement.

I Wasn't Bourne Yesterday

Irritated by spam emails promising to transfer one million Krugerrands into his bank, aging Jason Bourne-Lucky writes a firm letter to the Daily Mail.

Bourne Free

Bourne wakes up and he's a lion.

~ R.B.


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