Mustard comedy magazine: Issue #08
Mustard issue 08 doodle

Issue #08


Mustard 08 Editorial

- Alex

This issue's Evil Corporate Sponsor
Los Pollos Hermanos.png
This issue's Obligatory Movie Quote
"Oh my God, she could be the house!"

In this issue:


Satirical News & Articles

One man's crusade to save the English coastline

Save the English coastline

One man's crusade to conserve
England's traditional edges

Fashion cabal's dark secret

Fashion cabal has dark secret

Middle-aged billionaires compete
to make teenagers look stupid

Artist brings roof down

Artist brings roof down

Shocking exhibition by radical
new conceptual artist

Series of bizarre deaths

Series of bizarre deaths

Detectives investigate
baffling homicides

Deadlock in midwinter festival negotiations

Midwinter festival deadlock

Negotiations continue for
ownership of December 25th

Ugly people to get better parking spaces

Ugly people's parking spaces

Less attractive people will be
given special permits

Comic Strip

Myth Management: Champagne Supernova

Myth Management

Brit bureaucrats battling beasts!
#3: Champagne Supernova

Bloody Kids

Bloody Kids

In my day we had respect!

Stories & Characters

Derring Dos & Don'ts: #9: Sport

Derring Dos & Don'ts
pt.9: Sport

"Shotguns or surnames, I prefer them double-barrelled."

Writer's Block: Thomas and the Inevitability of Everything

Writer's Block
#9: Thomas and the Inevitability of Everything

"It doesn't matter, groaned Emily, dyingly."

Bad Endings: Bieber4Ever

Bad Endings
#3: Bieber4Ever

"Justin's tooth sold for
four thousand dollars"

Infographics & Adverts

Racism: How it Works

Racism: How it Works

An easy guide

Cut Out and Make Your Own Game of Thrones

Cut Out and Make...

#7: Game of Thrones

J-Lo: The new diet joint


The new diet joint
that won't give you the munchies

Movie Posters & Mag Covers


In Brief

Wii-ja Board

Wii-ja Board
Contact the other side via
your games console

A.M. / A.W.

Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes, Knees and Toes

Health & Beauty
Pamper yourself with our complete bodycare range

A.M. / A.W.

Are You Harder Than a Ten-Year-Old?

'Are You Harder Than
a Ten-Year-Old?'

Controversial new game show

A.M. / A.W.

Everybody Scrubs Frasier

Everybody Scrubs Frasier
Cross-breeding the sitcom

A.M. / A.W.

Haiku tweets

Haiku tweets
Each passing thought,
saved for posterity,
typed from the loo

A.M. / A.W.

'San Miguel' is Spanish for 'same again'

Did you know?
'San Miguel' is Spanish
for 'same again'

A.M. / A.W.

Don't give money to marketing people, 'they'll only spend it on drugs'

Don't give money to homeless marketing people, 'they'll only spend it on drugs'

A.M. / A.W.

Should left-handed and right-handed people marry?

Should left-handed and
right-handed people marry?
Ambidextrous kids
struggle to fit in

A.M. / A.W.

Treacherous road executed

Treacherous road executed

A.M. / A.W.

Murder at butler conventio

Murder at butler convention
Detectives baffled

A.M. / A.W.

MSG in a bottle

I hope that someone gets my
MSG in a bottle

A.M. / A.W.

I'd rather be MC Hammer than Jimmy Nail

I'd rather be MC Hammer than Jimmy Nail
Yes I would, I surely would

A.M. / A.W.

Did you know?

Don't buy food, it's a total con!
If you stop feeding it, eventually your stomach just starts eating itself.



One-Panel Cartoons


Fred Armisen caricatureCarrie Brownstein caricature

Fred Armisen & Carrie Brownstein

I'll ask Fred if he's stalking me. If so, the show's over.

Co-writers and stars of the acclaimed US sketch show Portlandia, which affectionately satirizes the hip counterculture of Portland, Oregon.
5,500 words

Paper People

Paper People: Portlandia

Portlandia  Paper People

Cut-out-and-make paper cast and crew.


Peter Cook caricature

Peter Cook

The greatest hits of a flawed genius, satirical superstar,
icon of the 60s comedy movement and proprietor of Private Eye.

Letters Page

Letters Page

Letters Page: Issue #08

"Mustard is dead... Long live Mustard!"

Covers & Posters



Mustard #08 page 01
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Mustard #08

All text and images are © their respective authors.

Cover: Doodle version by A.W.
Real version: Design by A.M., © IFC Entertainment / Broadway Video.

Thanks: Alan Moore, Peter Gordon, Richard Burdett, Val Stevenson,
James Sherwood, Richard Luck and David Bussell.

This issue is dedicated to everyone born on July 26th 2013.

Tango and Cash In The Attic · One Man And His Dog Day Afternoon · Every Which Way But Loose Women · Newsnight Of The Living Dead · Mad Max Men · Black Hawk Downton Abbey · To Kill A Mockingbirds Of A Feather · Raging Bullseye · Doctor Who Framed Roger Rabbit · The Third Man About The House · I Spit on Your One Foot In The Grave · Sherlock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels · The Madness of King George and Mildred · Goldfingermouse

More issues »

The Complete Mustard

Mustard comedy magazine compendium
Mustard comedy magazine

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Myth Management

Out now: Mustard's first spin-off novel

Myth Management: a Young Adult Urban Fantasy novel by Alex Musson
Myth Management: a Young Adult Urban Fantasy novel by Alex Musson

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