Mustard comedy magazine: Issue #03
Mustard issue 03 doodle

Issue #03



- Alex

This issue's Evil Corporate Sponsor
This issue's Obligatory Movie TV Quote
"I'll be in my bunk."

In this issue:


Satirical News & Articles

Jet-powered car breaks speed of smell

Racecar breaks speed of smell

A red letter day for engineering

Picture only tells 743 words

Picture only tells 743 words

Photojournalists 'in shock'

Past-It sticker craze sweeps Britain

Past-It stickers

Craze sweeps Britain

Wallace & Gromit moon landing faked

Wallace & Gromit moon landing faked

Footaged was faked in film studio

TV official draws sad face

TV official draws sad face

Accusations of dumbing down

Voice-activated movie failure

Voice-activated movie ordering

Title recognition software failure

Fight Club Worcestershire

Fight Club Worcestershire

10th AGM will be held at Kidderminster Scout Hall

Matt Berry's Albums That Changed My Life

Matt Berry's Albums That Changed My Life

#3: Valerie Coinage; Hot Organ

Comic Strips

Jurassic Park

Jurassic Park Post-Credits

Long-lost post-credit scene from the original Jurassic Park.

Myth Management: Going Underground

Myth Management

Brit bureaucrats battling beasts!
#01: Going Underground

Stories & Characters

Derring Dos & Don'ts: #3: Health

Derring Dos & Don'ts
pt.3: Health

"We need the good old traditional British diseases back."

Writer's Block: Grey Dust

Writer's Block
#3: Grey Dust

"Fourteen. Men. Dead. He should've had the minibus serviced."

Skinny & Nod

Skinny & Nod
#3: Swanky

"Is that a black tie, sir? Get the colour chart, Nod."

Infographics & Adverts

iPhone Tips

iPhone Tips

To annoy your spouse

Cut Out and Make Your Own World Wide Web

Cut Out and Make...

#03: World Wide Web

Movie Posters & Mag Covers

Did you know?

Did you know?

Did you know?

Pop Facts: Earth Wind & Fire - To his bitter regret, Air left the group just before they made it really big.


BA Pilot Given Green Light: Mr T 'delighted' to film A-Team spin-off
October delayed for at least three years: officials blame 'unforeseen circumstances'
Yin & Yang to Split - Couple cite 'irreconcilable differences'
Minister unveils dramatic new curbs
Dinosaur extinction caused by heartbreak: 'they all just pined away' claims report by recently dumped palaeontologist.

All: A.M.

One-Panel Cartoons

Overheard: My favourite space film is ET

E.M. / H.S.

Overheard: I've just cleansed three chakras

S.B. / H.S.


Sam Bain caricatureJesse Armstrong caricature

Sam Bain & Jesse Armstrong

We thought it would be a good way to do comedy,
to get a new perspective, to get inside someone's head.

The BAFTA award-winning writers of Peep Show, Fresh Meat, The Old Guys and Babylon discuss their shows and characters.
9,650 words

Paper People

Paper People: Peep Show

Peep Show Paper People

Cut-out-and-make paper cast and crew.

Cult Corner

Emilio Fernadez

Emilio Fernadez

Mexico's greatest director, who shot 40 movies and one film critic.

True Stories

#1: Please, Soeur

"It is not stupide," she demurred.

#2: The Ice Queen

A casting for an ice cream commercial

Letters Page

Letters Page

Letters Page: Issue #03

"Your mag is not really mainstream enough."

Covers & Posters



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Mustard #03

All text and images are © their respective authors.

Cover: Doodle version by A.W.
Real version: Sam & Jesse on sofa photo © Graham Jepson/Writer Pictures.
Peep Show character photos © Channel 4.

Thanks: Isabel Hopwood, Nick Hayes, Ed Musson, Suzie Blackman, Val Stevenson,
Alex Johnston, Isy Suttie, Pamela Norris, Richard Burdett Lindsey Clarke.

This issue is dedicated to Stanley Aldenton, my first comedy hero.

Footer gags: TOP TEN ITEMS SOLD ON EBAY: A tab of 'E' · The Zapruder film: Director's Cut · One eternal soul (slightly soiled) · Vegetarian fleshlight · Human ear, still theoretically functional · Unwanted MacGuffin · Length of old rope, cash only please · Piece of toast without Jesus' face on it · Last, best hope for peace · Childhood hopes and dreams · East Macedonia · Controlling shares in comedy magazine · A haunted wardrobe · Packet of Polos, mint condition

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The Complete Mustard

Mustard comedy magazine compendium
Mustard comedy magazine

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The complete 336-page collection of all 9¼ issues,
featuring new and updated funny stuff, plus expanded interviews.


Myth Management

Out now: Mustard's first spin-off novel

Myth Management: a Young Adult Urban Fantasy novel by Alex Musson
Myth Management: a Young Adult Urban Fantasy novel by Alex Musson

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