TV official draws sad face in response to accusations of dumbing down - Mustard comedy magazine
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TV official draws sad face in response to accusations of dumbing down

Claims that TV is dumbing down seemed vindicated last night when a high-ranking official drew a sad face and held it up to camera during a press conference.

The controversy started three months ago when the Ten O'clock News format was revamped to last only three minutes and exclude any words longer than two syllables.

It now comprises of Happy News, read by Danni Minogue suspended in a big pink bubble full of bunny rabbits, and Sad News, bellowed into a wind tunnel by Moira Stewart dressed as the scythe-clutching Grim Reaper.

The move was widely panned by critics as "offensive to the intelligence of all life-forms, including invertebrates", but in a printed statement issued last week, producers, claimed that it would soon be unveiling a new season of "great educational and innovative broadcasting".

However, the current output has done little to allay fears. Saturday peak-viewing entertainment includes shows such as My Favourite Colour – half an hour of June Sarpong jumping up and down with her thumbs up, bellowing "Green! Green! Green!" – and Oliver Looks For Answers, a "hard-hitting documentary series" about food, primarily consisting of Jamie Oliver growling and shaking his fist at a loaf of Mother's Pride.

The TV official, who in response to questions about budgetary responsibility winked and mimed wiping his bottom with a 20 pound note, tried to win the sceptical audience over with a clip of their new programme, Talking With Dinosaurs.

Produced by the Education Department and intended to allow children to engage with key figures from contemporary history, the innovative format allows viewers to text probing questions about life in the olden days (eg: "woz u in prison?") to family fun-man of yesteryear Noel Edmonds.

Dressed in an ill-fitting triceratops outfit, Edmonds writes a one-word answer in a set of day-glo fridge magnets which are missing the letter "E" while the Roll Deep Crew remix of the Benny Hill theme tune plays in the background.

We emailed the Ministry for Media, Culture & Sport for their views on the programme. They replied with a GIF of a puppy wagging its tail.

~ E.T.

Illo: M.D.


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