Mustard comedy magazine: Issue #05b
Mustard issue 05b doodle

Issue #05b


Mustard Editorial

- Alex

This issue's Evil Corporate Sponsor
Weyland Yutani
This issue's Obligatory Movie Quote
"Is this moron number one? Put moron number two on the phone."

In this issue:


Satirical News & Articles

Final display for stuffed poor

Final display for stuffed poor

Taxidermied paupers go under the hammer

'Ugly' man actually just a low quality JPEG

'Ugly' man actually just pixelated

He'd been saved as a low quality JPEG

Local man is world's worst serial killer

World's worst serial killer

Killing spree results in minus two deaths

Gods of office technology appointed

Gods of office technology

Deities rebranded for 21st Century

Screw Sweden

Screw Sweden

Country to be dismantled and rebuilt

Water towers were used for monster pacification

1950s monster pacification

Water towers as makeshift punchbags

New TV shows from MoreOn

New TV shows from MoreOn

False Idol, LCD, and Beggars Belief

Mustard Horoscopes

Mustard Horoscopes

by Agnes McScratch

Matt Berry's Albums That Changed My Life

Matt Berry's Albums That Changed My Life

#6: Klondike, Best Of Klondike

Comic Strip

Myth Management: The Rhythm is Gong to Get You

Myth Management

Brit bureaucrats battling beasts!
#2: The Rhythm is Gong to Get You

Stories & Characters

Derring Dos & Don'ts: Food

Derring Dos & Don'ts
pt.6: Food

"What larks we had! Roasted, with a side of green beans and potatoes."

Writer's Block: The Unobtainable Chimney Sweep

Writer's Block
#6: The Unobtainable Chimney Sweep

"Iron-veined muscles in a
coal-grey top-shirt."

Bad Endings: Old Hat

Bad Endings
#1: Old Hat

"The man who sat beneath my brim was just a sloppy reconstruction."

Infographics & Adverts

Movie Posters & Mag Covers



Musician begins work on difficult second marriage
I am an accident that wasn't my fault - baby sues parents
Eat this fruit and never die again
Free cereal found inside toy

All: A.M.

One-Panel Cartoons


Richard Herring caricature

Richard Herring

A lot of comedians say they've been inspired by me and Stu,
which is really lovely.

Talking about Time Gentlemen Please, his Hitler moustache,
and being called a 'hidden master of modern British comedy'
7,800 words

Dennis Hopper caricature

Dennis Hopper

If you don't go to the movies to think, you're a prick.

Four previously unpublished conversations with Dennis Hopper.
3,100 words

Paper People

Paper People: Richard Herring

Richard Herring Paper Person

Cut-out-and-make comedian

Cult Corner


Cult Corner: Neon magazine

The best movie magazine ever.

True Stories

Patella Head

Patella Head

"My knees lacked the structural integrity they had enjoyed pre-Nissan Micra."

Hasta la Visa

Hasta la Visa

"Traffic lights are for guidance only here, so try not to look."

Covers & Posters



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Mustard #05b

All text and images are © their respective authors.

Cover: Doodle version by A.W.
Real version: Design by A.M., Richard Herring photo © Steve Brown

Thanks: David Bussell, Val Stevenson, James Sherwood, Carlos Ezquerra.

This issue is dedicated to Alan Maynard.

Footer gags: TOP TEN MOVIE MASHUPS: Terminators Of Endearment · The Sixth Sense And Sensibility · Cheaper By The Dirty Dozen · Godfather of the Bride · Robocopland · Hot Tub Time Machine Gun Preacher · Jingle All the Carlito's Way · Midnight Cowboys And Aliens · Boogie Night at the Museum · Captain American Pie · Toy Story of O · How to Train Your Dragone Girl

More issues »

The Complete Mustard

Mustard comedy magazine compendium
Mustard comedy magazine

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PDF  ยท  Paperback

The complete 336-page collection of all 9¼ issues,
featuring new and updated funny stuff, plus expanded interviews.


Myth Management

Out now: Mustard's first spin-off novel

Myth Management: a Young Adult Urban Fantasy novel by Alex Musson
Myth Management: a Young Adult Urban Fantasy novel by Alex Musson

Paperback  £8.99  ·

Kindle  £2.99  ·