Halle Berry denies being made out of plywood - Mustard comedy magazine
Berry Plywood

Halle Berry denies being made out of plywood

The Hollywood actress is at the centre of a storm tonight as she fends off rumours that she is a two-dimensional plywood structure, kept upright by a weighted base.

The rumour was started by Mr Angus Young (4ft 6in). "That's why you won't see her out in a strong wind," he claimed. "It's a ploy by film-makers to save space. After each day's shooting they just fold her up and put her in a special bag."

Young's allegations comes 10 months after he shocked the Hollywood glitterati by insisting that, far from being the first black woman to win a Best Actress Academy Award, Halle Berry was "about as black as I am." "I've seen albinos with darker skin," he argued. "They're just using her as the acceptable, white, face of black America so they can congratulate themselves for being all liberal and ethnically inclusive."

However, the 'plywood' claim has caused confusion, with many choosing to take it as a metaphor for her acting, an interpretation that Young refutes: "No, she's literally made out of plywood. Like the sets in old Westerns."

Angus is infamous in Hollywood circles for his bizarre claims about its stars. Six years ago he wrote a series of letters to Empire magazine claiming that Dan Ackroyd was "hollow and piloted by machines." And in two years before that he was arrested for harassing Robert De Niro, insisting that the actor was the reincarnation of pioneering locomotive engineer George Stephenson.

~ A.O.


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