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Skinny and Nod

The Skinny
& Nod
Dialogues

#1: Shoe

"Here's one, Noddy."

"Yeah. Alright, mate? No trainers, you know. No, I said no trainers."

"Don't be a problem, mate. Don't be larking us."

"Makes no difference to us, mate. You can go home and get your shoes if you like but it's not gonna do you no good."

"Noddy's right, mate. Go get your shoes, if you want. Shoes won't get you in tonight."

"Not tonight, not never, mate."

"Why? He's asking why, Nod." "I wondered if I'd heard right, Skinny. Now I feel awful that I did."

"Yeah. I feel awful too. See, mate, this is a mosque."

"That's right. So it's no trainers, no shoes."

"And don't even try with sandals."

"Nod's right. Sandals are worse."

"Look like a shoe's ribs." "That's right. Shoes and trainers are one thing."

"Two things."

"Yeah, whatever, Nod. What I am trying to put across to the gentlemen is that shoes and trainers and sandals are right out."

"And heels."

"Gent don't look the type, but yeah, heels, shoes, trainers, clogs, slippers, boot: not coming in here."

"So either you take them or yourself off. He's gonna have to take that thing off his head too, Skin."

"My friend here is right, mate. Not respectful in a

place of worship."

"Like a Church."

"Or synagogue."

"Shh. So you gonna take 'em off, or go elsewhere? There's a Spiritualist place on tonight. Might be more to your liking".

"No shoe-code".

"Gotta have an aura though." "Oh yeah, they got a strict aura-policy on there. You okay for aura?"

Sandals
look like a
shoe's ribs.

"No, mate, it's not a joke. I'm thinking we should just call it a day and you go to the Anglican place."

"Opens in the morning. No shoe-code, no aura-code."

"They don't even care if you've been a naughty boy."

"Unless you want to be a choirmaster."

"Then only naughty boys considered."

"I think the gent is a naughty boy, though, Skinny."

"Certainly heading that way, Nod. We got a queue here, mate."

"Yeah, goodnight then mate. Peace be upon you."

"Tit."

"I hear you, Skinny. Think they can waltz in anywhere."

"Massive queue though."

"Frigging massive. God knows why."

"Yeah, why do they bother? Place is empty tonight."

"Yeah."

Mustard issue one 15

Mustard #01: Graham LinehanMustard #02: Michael PalinMustard #03: Peep Show's Bain & ArmstrongMustard #04: Alan MooreMustard #05a: Stewart LeeMustard #05b: Richard HerringMustard #06: John LloydMustard #07: Robin InceMustard #08: Portlandia's Carrie Brownstein & Fred Armisen

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