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did you know?

Nobody knows where the word 'etymology' comes from.

software launches

Retro-loving designers are queueing up for the launch of new design software AdobeFagPacket®, an updated version of the hugely successful AdobeBackOfAnEnvelope®.

The new package offers old-school features including: glossy paper that can't be written on, printed text and logos that make it hard to see your drawings, and gaps and folds in the surface area that break up lines and cause tears.

Most importantly, there's a limited save time; files only save for two days, giving, as the packaging exclaims, "that ethereal lifespan of all truly great design!"


sales of
2.3 are
likely to
drop when
AdobeFag Packet®
goes on general sale, claim that this limited life span will make the package unusable.

Adobe countered by pointing out that the product life span can be extended with the use of free extensions such as AdobeMustyOldShoeBox®, which can be used to store several hundred AdobeFagPacket®s.

Apple: iLitigate

Software giant begins waves of copyright prosecutions

i think
I, Robot
Isaac Asminof

With profits falling since the death of Steve Jobs, Apple's new management have started sending shock troop lawyers after anyone infringing their copyright of using the letter 'i' at the beginning of a word.

Everyone from Imax cinemas to members of the ibex climbing ungulate family is feeling their wrath. In perhaps the harshest case, the remains of celebrated sci-fi author Isaac Asimov were exhumed to face charges aginst his short-story collection 'I, Robot.'

Action is now being taken against the use of the first person singular, meaning phrases such as 'I think therefore I am' must now be written as 'Someone who is me thinks, therefore is.'

Apple lawyers are also attempting to copyright 'i' when used as a suffix, abbreviation, Roman numeral or mathematical or chemical symbol.

The name 'Mac' is also the source of conflict. Lawyers have asked garment manufacturers to remove labels saying 'mac' or 'macintosh' and replace them with non-copyrighted words such as 'oilskin' or 'wetcoat'.

The Clan MacIntosh is having to call themselves 'the Clan formerly known as MacIntosh', pending a decision from the European Court of Human Rights (whose judges anonymously received boxes of freshly minted iPhones and iPads this morning).

Also in litigation are the Dirty Mac Brigade, the MicMac Indians

They're suing everyone from ibex
to I, Robot.

of Canada, and fast food giant MacDonalds – now O'Donalds, and launching their Irish themed menu of 'Big O', 'Fillet O'O'Fish', 'Chicken Shamrocks' and new advertising slogan: "Bejesus, I'm loving it!"

12 "I'm just popping into the billiard room with this lead piping"

Mustard #01: Graham LinehanMustard #02: Michael PalinMustard #03: Peep Show's Bain & ArmstrongMustard #04: Alan MooreMustard #05a: Stewart LeeMustard #05b: Richard HerringMustard #06: John LloydMustard #07: Robin InceMustard #08: Portlandia's Carrie Brownstein & Fred Armisen
Myth Management

~ on other pages ~

First World War Problems
#FirstWorldProblems »
A series of First World Problems that were also First World War Problems.
Back to the Future: the Inevitable Remake
Back to the Future:
the Inevitable Remake »
Teenager Martie McFly travels back thirty years, to 1985!
Jurassic Park: post credits sequence
Jurassic Park:
post credits sequence »
Lost deleted scene features suprising appearance.
Mustard trailer
Mustard trailer »
Watch our trailer, featuring music and narration from Matt Berry!
Mustard compendium paperback
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Action figures
Comedy action figures »
Blackadder, Young Ones, It Crowd, Alan Partridge, Brass Eye and more, painstakingly handcrafted from pixels.
Question Tag
Question Tag »
Mustard's interviewees ask each other questions. Featuring Linehan, Palin, Bain, Moore, Berry, Lee, Herring, Lloyd, etc.
Paper versions of Michael Palin, Alan Moore, Peep Show and IT Crowd
Paper People »
Cut-out-and-make Mustard cover stars! Michael Palin, Alan Moore, Stewart Lee, Richard Herring and Peep Show and IT Crowd crews.
Mustard on The IT Crowd
Mustard on The IT Crowd »
Moss reads Mustard in an episode of The IT Crowd, and Roy's reading it on the cover of the American DVD.
Brilliantly funny! BBC Absolutely cracking! Channel 4 First class. The Guardian
A satirical gem. The Telegraph A dash of something special. Michael Palin
Endlessly hilarious. Alan Moore Like The Onion? You'll love MustardPatton Oswalt